dens|ee*

Strangers

Sunday

This post is about Life

This post has 6 comments

Noth­ing feels bet­ter than leav­ing the office 6 o’clock in the evening and the sun is still up there before it gives the night shift to the moon.

Kevin and I can’t wait to tap our employee card and then headed straight to our car.

A col­league from another depart­ment passes by. I’ve seen her around but never really talked to her before.

Kevin looked at her with a smile and with a very nat­ural tone, he said good­bye to her. She looked back and greeted us good­bye as well. But I kept walk­ing and never give any response.

Kevin came to me and seems a lit­tle bit annoyed, “Why you never say good­bye to people?”

“I don’t really know her mar,” I said.

“Don’t really know her can­not say good­bye one meh? Say­ing good­bye very dif­fi­cult meh?” he replied.

Hmmm… maybe he has the point. His ques­tion had put me into a stage of speech­less, sorry and realisation.

Then I started to asked myself, “yeah… what’s wrong with say­ing good­bye to a per­son I don’t really know? And is there any­thing wrong even if I say good­bye to a per­son I DON’T know at all? Will it cost me a limb? Obvi­ously no. Then why am I avoid­ing talk­ing to strangers all the time?”

I have no answer to those ques­tions as well. So I started writ­ing this post and put every­thing in my mind into words and sen­tences (that’s how I organ­ise my thoughts).

Remem­ber the post It’s all about life I wrote some­time back in June? There were two goals I set for myself to achieve.

What I want to change most about myself is always afraid to talk to strangers.

and

I’d like to be the kind of friend who can be seen as a true friend and inter­act with them nat­u­rally.

Although these two goals are very sub­jec­tive and dif­fi­cult to quan­tify the suc­cess cri­te­ria. But from the con­ver­sa­tion I had with Kevin, I realise I do not have them yet.

Back in June, I didn’t write the goals out of thin air. In fact, those two goals were actu­ally inspired by Kevin long time ago.

I’ve always admire him for how he treated peo­ple around him. He is always so friendly, car­ing and most impor­tantly, true. He doesn’t pre­tend (most of the time), he doesn’t hate and he always forgive.

I tried to change to be like him, but I guess I didn’t make it. So I started to think, there must be a rea­son why I’m still afraid to talk to strangers and still not friendly enough?

And when I dig deeper and deeper into myself, I think I found the root of cause. It is what we call “high self-esteem” which was planted deep within myself long time ago since I was young.

Me as a high self-esteem per­son will always care about how oth­ers think about me. Com­bine with my low level of EQ, sucky social skills and slow spon­ta­neous reac­tion, the con­clu­sion is, I’m afraid to talk to strangers sim­ply because I do not know what to talk and I’m afraid I say some­thing so stu­pid that makes me want to bang my head over the near­est wall wher­ever I can find.

Well, the bang-my-head-over-the-nearest-wall sit­u­a­tion hap­pens all the time. And if I try to make myself sound not so stu­pid, I will just become more unnat­ural and… well… fake. Slowly, I turned from talk less with strangers to avoid talk­ing to strangers. And that’s how the whole thing came along.

But come to think of it, I think I’ve made quite some improve­ments over the last cou­ple of years. At least now I don’t feel extremely bad when things don’t go accord­ing to the way that I wanted. At least now I talk more with strangers and I’m able to counter back their jokes 50% of the time (by squeez­ing my brain very hard).

I believe I will still be the same per­son I used to be a few years ago if I never took the step to start a life in KL. If I never came to KL, I will never met two per­sons who I think have changed who I was into who I am, Stevo and Kevin. I was much influ­enced by both of them and I thank them for mak­ing me a bet­ter person.

As much as I want to change, but there’s just no overnight cure. Chang­ing our char­ac­ter­is­tic is not an easy task. Like the Chi­nese says, “it’s eas­ier to move a moun­tain than change a person”.

Give me some time, I believe I will make it someday.

Sunday

This post is about Life

This post has 6 comments

3

CommentNo. 1

kopiais11 January 200910:58 AM

~>hugs<~

Just open your­self to the world, the world will come to you. ^_^

CommentNo. 2

Max11 January 200912:02 PM

I think it’s part of malaysian chi­nese cul­ture ba…

CommentNo. 3

Ervin Ter12 January 20091:11 AM

Just be your­self and natural!

CommentNo. 4

Sera12 January 20097:38 PM

You’ve said good bye to me-Im no stranger to you since the very first day I was at LKW! Yay! =)

CommentNo. 5

Sera12 January 20097:39 PM

Lagi satu. I admit that Kevin memang baik. Orang cakap dia gay pun dia cool je! Caya lah Kevin! You rock!

Author’s CommentNo. 6

Den­nis12 January 20099:42 PM

@kopiais
*hugs hugs*

I guess being stu­pid can­not be changed even if the world came to me…

@Max
Huh??? Got this kind of cul­ture one meh?

@Ervin
Be myself? Then I’ll say a lot of stu­pid things 1 wor…

@Sera
Kak Sera baik juga… Orang tak faham you but you cool je…

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