The moment of truth

I received a letter few days ago, a letter from the Embassy of Japan.

I knew the purpose of the letter, which is to inform me about the status of my scholarship application.

I was very nervous and my heart was beating real fast I can even hear my own heart beat.

I wasn’t ready to open the letter in the mail room so I hold the letter firmly until I reached home.

I laid the letter on my desk, I sat down and look at it.

“What if I didn’t make it?” I kept asking myself. Somehow I already knew the answer because the thought of “getting the scholarship successfully” has never crossed my mind before.

I opened the letter and the first sentence read “We regret to inform that your application for AYF scholarship 2010 has not been successful.”

My heart sank to the bottom of the deepest sea. For a moment my mind was blank.

It took me around 10 minutes to recover from the state of emptiness. And it took me few hours to accept what has actually happened.

I would be lying if I say I don’t feel disappointed. I do indeed. But that’s the moment of truth and there’s nothing I could do to change it.

I did a lot of thinking this few days. Well, not much on the outcome, but the lesson learnt was “do not put all the eggs in one basket”. In other words, I should not have put all my hopes onto a single scholarship.

Anyway, I don’t blame myself. Back in time I was lost in life until I found the scholarship which became that something I needed to hold onto.

I grabbed the opportunity and moved on. Time goes by and without me realising it I was back on track.

Okay that was the past. Now what? The dream I was hoping for all this while has just vanished into thin air.

What should I do now? What about my life? What about my career? What about my dreams?

I tried to analyse my own thinking why I wanted the scholarship so badly? And all the signs seem to drill down to a single source — desire to travel.

The moment I understand this makes the scholarship not so important anymore because I know I can travel with or without the scholarship.

Travelling to different places and capturing all the things I see with my camera is something that I want to do the most at this moment.

I have started to do my travel plan for this year. When my plans starting to materialise I will write about it here.

Until then, to whoever is reading this, live life to the fullest.

9 Comments

wong 17 January 2010

“getting the scholarship successfully” has never crossed my mind before.

There is this saying “Whatever you think, you are always right.” The attitude is wrong and result the right thinking. See!

kopiais 17 January 2010

Hope is the soul of the life, if you do not have hope to hold on to in the darkness you will fall.

But your life won’t end with a single hope that vanish. This is just the beginning. Live life to the max~

max 17 January 2010

“What should I do now? What about my life? What about my career? What about my dreams?”

Didn’t know you relied so much on that scholarship application.

Hmm… but what if, you can’t travel as planned (what if la)? You’ll come back to this moment of truth again.

Hehe I’m wondering on my own self as well. It’s like we’re relying so much on the things that we can do / want to do physically. It’s like we’ll feel like we’re wasting time if we stop doing anything that’s productive.

Maybe something is missing.

Haha just my thinking la…

Ervin 18 January 2010

Good that you found the source of your desire. 🙂 Go for it!

Dennis 18 January 2010

@wong
Maybe you are right… maybe I wasn’t well prepared yet…

@kopiais
Agree!!! If there’s no finishing line, eventually we will start to think what’s the point of running…

@max
The reason for me to rely on it so much has a long and complicated story…

@Ervin
Yeah will try my best to make my travel plan a reality…

Ted 18 January 2010

Not getting the scholarship may not be a bad thing after all. No doubt the disappointment may there but eventually you’ll look at it in differently when the best thing in life comes knockin.

Like I mentioned earlier, it’s a blessing in disguise. In this case, God prepared somethin even better for you, much better than the scholarship. 🙂

Peter Yee 19 January 2010

I’m sorry for the application result.

Me too, didn’t know you relied on the scholarship so much. But hey, it’s not like we only got THAT scholarship in the entire world. You can say “Japan, not yet! You wait me!” haha.

Think positive ya!

sooyin 20 January 2010

hmm.. now that i know… i shouldn’t put much hope on mine too.. let’s get plan B done first..

think positive.. there’s always something better ahead..

🙂

chenglam 25 January 2010

i know u were disappointed but just treat it as a learning experience, learn to keep moderate in whatever u facing, be it happy or sad and try to look things in positive ways. im sure u’ll be back on track very soon and strive for ur next goal!

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