The moment of truth
I received a letter few days ago, a letter from the Embassy of Japan.
I knew the purpose of the letter, which is to inform me about the status of my scholarship application.
I was very nervous and my heart was beating real fast I can even hear my own heart beat.
I wasn’t ready to open the letter in the mail room so I hold the letter firmly until I reached home.
I laid the letter on my desk, I sat down and look at it.
“What if I didn’t make it?” I kept asking myself. Somehow I already knew the answer because the thought of “getting the scholarship successfully” has never crossed my mind before.
I opened the letter and the first sentence read “We regret to inform that your application for AYF scholarship 2010 has not been successful.”
My heart sank to the bottom of the deepest sea. For a moment my mind was blank.
It took me around 10 minutes to recover from the state of emptiness. And it took me few hours to accept what has actually happened.
I would be lying if I say I don’t feel disappointed. I do indeed. But that’s the moment of truth and there’s nothing I could do to change it.
I did a lot of thinking this few days. Well, not much on the outcome, but the lesson learnt was “do not put all the eggs in one basket”. In other words, I should not have put all my hopes onto a single scholarship.
Anyway, I don’t blame myself. Back in time I was lost in life until I found the scholarship which became that something I needed to hold onto.
I grabbed the opportunity and moved on. Time goes by and without me realising it I was back on track.
Okay that was the past. Now what? The dream I was hoping for all this while has just vanished into thin air.
What should I do now? What about my life? What about my career? What about my dreams?
I tried to analyse my own thinking why I wanted the scholarship so badly? And all the signs seem to drill down to a single source — desire to travel.
The moment I understand this makes the scholarship not so important anymore because I know I can travel with or without the scholarship.
Travelling to different places and capturing all the things I see with my camera is something that I want to do the most at this moment.
I have started to do my travel plan for this year. When my plans starting to materialise I will write about it here.
Until then, to whoever is reading this, live life to the fullest.